It’s the little foxes that spoil the vine (Song of Solomons 2:15)
The first few years of my marriage were very tough, especially around intimacy. I entered marriage with expectations around sex that I never communicated with my wife. And when they weren’t met, I did what any good husband would do, I told her. However, I had a passive aggressive approach which left her emotionally bruised and depleted any desire she had for sex or intimacy. After several years of bumping my head against a wall I was at a loss. I needed a new way to effectively communicate to my wife about hard topics and I knew I needed to be gentle.
Admittedly, this is still a challenge for me because by nature I’m a straightforward person and tend not to beat around the bush. However, I knew I needed to change because overtime I saw how the words I used to communicate with my wife brought decay into our marriage. I’ve learned it’s the small things we say or do that may not have an immediate impact that upends our relationship - the little foxes.
Here’s why you want be careful about what you say and think in your relationship:
Words Have Power to Heal or Destroy
Death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). The words you say to your boo have the power to give life or bring death into your relationship. To take it a step further, it’s also the words you communicate to yourself and with others that can either hurt or heal your special connection. Overtime, habits and beliefs are built by the things we say and these are the elements that naturally create the culture in our relationship. For example, If you say something to your boo long enough they’ll begin to believe it and this new belief will inevitably inform their behavior. After a while these behaviors will determine how you interact with one another (culture). In many ways, it’s a tough pill to swallow, we teach our boo how to behave in our relationship simply by the things we say or don’t say.
What You Say and Think Will Come to Pass
Since words and thoughts have power it means they are shaping our life every second of every day. We have the power to choose what type of foundation and home we want to create with our boo. As a child you may recall being taught, “If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it”. Similar to this, If you don’t have anything positive to think, then focus on the things that make you and your boo great together. Because, what you continue to say and think will eventually come to pass. It’s the thoughts you ruminate on that lead you to speak and if what you’re thinking is negative, inevitably you’re going to say hurtful things.
I leave you with this thought by Ralph Waldo Emerson, mid-19th century essayist, lecturer, and philosopher. “Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.” So be wise with the things you allow yourself to ponder on about your relationship, you’re creating destiny.
Here are some positive ways to think as well as communication tips you can use with your boo. Keep in mind, if you and your boo aren’t having fun together, you’re not doing it right. Check out this article for a fun date night at home.
With love,
Colleen x La Vance
✌🏽
p.s. If you and your aren't having fun you're not doing it right.